Thank you Spice Girls. Though I don't fully get your lyrics, I like the importance of friends expressed through them...
Yes, I steal all my lines from music and movies. There is no other way for my words to make sense. I especially like quoting from She's the Man. It's just fun and something I started with my sister. Oh Moesha, though we are 8 years apart at times it doens't feel like it... haha.
Speaking of people I love, I love my friends. Yes, I do. I don't believe in having only shallow friendship, though those will come and go. So I'm pretty happy that I have some deeply routed friendships. Yes, I have people who I wouldn't drop out of my life any time soon by choice, and conversely I'd have a broken heart if they'd one day stop taking my tiring lameness and cut me out of their lives. SO DON'T DO IT EVER!
Wow, that was intense. But I don't see it coming any time soon. I'm slowly realizing that I'm the weird friend. I can be pretty lame at times with my many attempts to be trendy and failing, I'm pretty dependent ( My Mom just asked my friend behind my back today if she could give me a ride tomorrow. So highschool!) and it goes on yea. I keep on taking out my fake man-glasses and sit in the passenger seat. And yet they all still love me. If not, well they're good at lying then and have stuck around so long for nothing. But since they stick around I believe they're getting something from me, right? Relationships no matter the kind are two way, they must be or else they fail.
Now don't get me wrong, I do appreciate and am thankful for friends of the past. I've had a journal (or diary turned journal) since ever and I've kept some memories of people I don't know any more. But in that time and moment they were my friends and I learned something from them that I still carry today. So they have affected my life. And of course I have people in my life now, that will possibly, most likely due to life leave me and I may never see again. But for now they are here and I am thankful for them.
Still I believe in having friends who will be there forever. Some friends you just know. But that doesn't mean you take them for granted. I think that's the worst thing you can do to those good friendships. I've done it, but I don't intend to anymore. Yes, when I was in highschool I attempted to be hardcore and make friends with the new girl with the bad attitude while abandoning my friends. In short I learned how to swear, became angry at life, hated church and had almost no relationship with Jesus besides a bitter one, listened to music I have little tolerance for today and had no friends. I was angry and alone. When I finally was tired of that I cut the act and went back to my real friends. They took me like nothing had happened. And since then I believe we've come so much closer, and I am so thankful they took me back after being a jerk.
I spent a few days of my reading break with these friends from highschool. I wrote in my journal how I hoped it would be good. Not like old times, but new and better times. And it was. We've grown-up, made decisions in life and are different from those days. But that's inevitable. Some of them are done school and have jobs, careers, and yet they took the time to spend a few days for us to be together and be as silly or serious as we wanted. Oh and we a had a good balance of both.
While away and having such a good time with them I couldn't help but be reminded of the verse that says "every good and perfect gift comes from above.." James 1:17 I just found out. It blows my mind how the God of heaven, the Father of lights, creator of the universe loves me so much that He made this beautiful place called Earth for me to live in, providing beautiful Canadian West Coast for me to look out, and placing amazing people in my life to show me some degree of this love. And oh boy, how I am loved. So today, yes, I am thankful for friends. Friends from school, those who've I've had a long history with, those who I am just starting to get to know better, those who I've grown up with, those who I've lost contact with in the past and who I've created new improved relationships with, and those who know my secrets. I don't believe I have to see my friends every day. I just know that with my close friends I've had experiences with them that have shaped who I am today and they are the people who know me best. And with that I end on a musical note with lyrics from Wicked- For Good:
Who can say if I've been changed for the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better. Because I knew you, I have been changed for good...
To my friends, I hope you know that I love you all so much. I'm excited for what the future has for us. Can't wait for those tupperware parties!
Alexandra of course....
p.s. go check out the song For Good- from Wicked the musical. It makes me weep in a good way. It is one of my ultimate friend songs... XD
In my last blog I talked about changing the world and one way is giving to Haiti, which we all know has faced some harsh devestation in the last few weeks. I wanted to post this but didn't know how. And now I do. Enjoy the song, I think they did a beautiful rendition, along with some touching photos of those in Haiti. The texting numbers are there and different ways to give... Just watch it.
Boyce Avenue has a special place in my heart. They're one of the reasons why I got hooked onto Youtube, and they're first out of country tour was in the Philippines! Enough said. Check them out.
Again, if you can, give. Every little bit helps. Lets not forget the need over there just because we don't have to see the aftermath daily. Truth is they are living in it. We are super blessed her in North America, or wherever you are. The way I see it, I don't deserve this life anymore than the next person. So lets share the wealth.
One thing I'm starting to enjoy about being in the Human Services department is learning about myself and how certain things affect my interactions with others. Being in the Child and Youth Care program self-reflection is big part of my assignments. Although it may seem lame and for pansies, yes I used that word, it really does make me more aware of myself and how my thoughts affect my life and therefore others.
Today for example I realized that one of my pet peeves are scratchy, phlegmy voices. My family is going through another basic flu or something and their voices can annoy me at times. Uhh it makes me just want to take over their body so I can clear their throat for them. I hear that's bad for you voice, but spit it out already! I now understand the saying "frog in your throat". Ew. So don't talk to me if your voice is like that... Please.
Although I do enjoy learning stuff about myself, self-reflection is not all fine and dandy. You know the famous quote Uncle Ben told Peter Parker in Spider-man "with great power comes great responsibility"? Well I think it's the same kind of idea with self-reflection. It's one thing to realize the things you struggle with and want to change in your life, it's another thing to actually live it.
There's a song by Ingrid Michealson that touches on this. I really like her voice and the repetition of her choruses, and there's this one song in particular that gets me called "Keep breathing". Some of the lines get me however, and it's sad because I know it's true for myself. In essence the song:
The storm is calming but I don't mind People are dying, I close my blinds
All that I know is I'm breathing now
I want to change the world, instead I sleep I want to believe in more than you and me
All that I know is I'm breathing All I can do is breathing All we can do is keep breathing now
The youth ministry that I volunteer at has been coming up with these shirts for the past year and a bit. Their main quote is "because I believe the change must begin with me". I have both of the shirts we've come out with and I wear them pretty frequently. Unfortunatly I've forgotten what that quote means, what it stands for and I've found that they've just become other t-shirts in my wardrobe, instead of being reminders of why and how I should live my life. That's pretty lame.
The thing about change is that it's not easy, you have to do something to get there. You can't just stay in your comfort zone and be stuck where you are. From dictionary.com: "To CHANGE is to make a material difference so that the thing is distinctly different from what it was." I want this to be my standard. To live a life that's different from what mass media and culture says it should be "because I believe the change must begin with me".
But the majority of the time we fail at this. I hate how people say one thing, and live another. One of my professors refered to this as a dissonance in philosophy and practice (life), how they don't connect when they really should. His example was in the Human Services field. He spoke of how it didn't make sense if we as students were studying to become drug and alcohol advisors for youth while we were getting hammered on the weekends ourselves. That spoke to me. But lately it's been challenging me as well. Doing nothing about the things I believe or see as wrong in the world is just as bad. Having certain standards in faith and beliefs while living a life that doesn't reflect them is wrong itself. And I do that lots.
But now no more of that. No more closing my blinds or changing the channel when I see people who are dying and in great need like in Haiti. No more ignoring the hurt, broken and dying. Sometimes it seems pretty dim as far as hope goes. But I won't give up. There is more I can do, more we can do, besides just breathing. There are lots of hurting people in need. You and I have something to offer. Really. Will you BE THE CHANGE you want to see?
If you've made it this far, thanks, and you win a million points from me. I know I write a lot, a bit too much, but this has just been going around in my head for a bit. Don't settle for anything less than your dreams. It takes one person to make a difference and start change. Be that person.
I need to find another passtime.It seems that whenever I go out for a drive to "practice" (yea, that's a whole other story) or have some extra time on my hands I end up at the mall. And sure I can say all I want about not spending money and how I'll just be window-shopping, but the truth of the matter is that when I walk out the doors there is some bag in my hand or objects in my purse that required some cash burning (no I don't sneak things in my bag, I just try not to use plastic bags. Be GREEN people!).
It's not just the spending money part that gets me though. It's the trends that are coming up and the terms they use for these new must-have wardrobe pieces. Yes, I am talking about the boyfriend blazer, which I am actually so into, and boyfriend jeans, the whole adrogynous look. There seems to be little distinction between girl and guy fashions. IT'S INSANE! But maybe I'm biased. Not just because more than half the guys out there can pull off the skinny jean or them v-necks better than I can, but it all reminds me that I'm single.
I have a headache right now and it got me thinking of that song Ingrid Michealson sings. "Your head is aching, I'll make it better". And I just thought that I have no one to sing that song to me. Yes, emo time with Alexandra. Excuse me while I go write a poem about it.
That's better. Ha, no but seriously. It's a smart marketing strategy. Targetting the single and naive ladies, selling this piece of clothing to replace the role of a man in their lives, my life. I don't see any girlfriend jeans... or maybe I do... haha.
Nontheless I guess that proves someone's not ready for a relationship. I mean if you're basing your whole worth on some guy to fulfill you, then maybe a relationship isn't something you should be looking for. The way I see it, personally I'd rather be confident in who I am as a person, single and all, before I get myself into a relationship. They're both ways, give and take. If I'm being needy all the time requiring validation then I'm puting little into the relationship and taking so much. That's where relationships fail, or so I've seen.
So for now I'll take a boyfriend blazer or two, not because of the name but because I'm digging the style. And to all the single ladies: now put your hands up... in the air and wave 'em like you just don't care!
I thought that was clever... Haha. Yup single life can be awesomely amusing, and awkward. No, just me? Well, I'll take it!
So I am a chicken. I started this back in, oh who knows when. I believe I wrote my very first blog and got it out there, but after a day or too chickened out and deleted it. However with the new year Ithough t why not start it up again? I don't know why I'm so scared of posting or leaving things I write up... I guess it's just so easy for me to write, in a personal way, that when I start thinking about who might see it I end up freaking myself out. But I'm going to work on that this year. Is this one of my New year's resolutions? More like goal of my life. That goes with less procrastination, reading more, staying on top of homework, waking up earlier, budgeting... oh the list goes on. Ha. You'd think that since I'm a college student I'd be all about voicing myself and sticking up for what I believe. Well, to tell the truth, I like the idea but I'm working on actually living up to it. I'm not the avid activist kind of student, I mean I was even a college drop out last year after my first year as a social sciences wanderer. Tangent? I think not. It just all explains why I've decided to take this opportunity to make some inniative for change at the beginning of this fresh new year of 2010. So let's be brave and honest and put it all out on the table. Hi, I'm Alexandra if you didn't know. I go to college part-time and work as a nanny on my off days, or whenever it works. I'm into tea, acoustic guitars, chill music, man glasses, aquiring books that I will read in the far future, Jane Austen, musicals, and informercials. I'm such a dabbler in my hobbies, jumping from one to the other then back, and therefore don't develop any of them very far. These include sewing, painting, playing guitar, knitting and making vidoes. I'm Canadian and full-blooded Filipino. Yes, I do have the best of both worlds and am glad for it. I've been very blessed so far with the life I've been given and I can't wait for this year to start rolling. Well it already has, hasn't? I'm excited for the year ahead and what's to come. I can feel change coming and the arrival of 2010 has just made it that much more exciting! So what to expect? Well I was also inspired by my friend Shayne who started this 365 Project where she's going to take a picture every day of the year. I've also seen other examples on YouTube of people making a video every day for 2009, SOTC365 was the guy I followed. This has inspired a new trend in that world. It's pretty amazing. Not just the fact that these people are sharing parts of their life, but also the fact that you actually do so a change in them by the end. A change in editing skills, more creative ideas, gain of camera/lighting knowledge, and an overall change in character. And what are my hopes for this? Well I don't plan to write every day, but at least once a week. I do get these ideas at night, start them in my head, and get mad at myself for not writing them down and sharing with others. I know I'm not the most amazing writer and I'm young at my opinions, but I believe everyone has a story to tell that's worth hearing. So I'll share bits of mine. Happy New Year and welcome to the year 2010! It will be a good one! Alexandra of course...
